So, Thanksgiving was basically a bust for me. Diet and exercise both really. Everyday I tried to start with the mentality of, start again….and I would kinda lose it through the day. A bite here, a nibble there. Holidays are hard when grandma is trying to be nice and making your favorite dessert for you. So you end up guilt eating it….but lets be honest, it was delicious all the same. Just a little sad when I really did want to eat clean.
So its safe to say I was nervous to step on the scale this morning to see the damage I’d done, and I saw something absolutely shocking.
191.8lbs. Ummm what?! Thats not real. I hit the scale again… and 191.8lbs blinked back at me. I repeated this several times. Went brushed my teeth tried again to just make sure it wasn’t a blip. This morning I was in fact 191.8lbs. What in the heck?! After my mini splurge the weekend prior I was 194.8lbs. That was a 2 1/2lbs gain. After two days of cleaning eating and exercising I started break and ended that cycle. So with the weekend on Thanksgiving I had 6 days off basically. I didn’t step on a scale, diet, or work out at all during this time, none of it. I had a true break from diet and exercise.
I didn’t just maintain, I actually lost weight. What in the actual hell? This just goes to show you, this weight loss journey is absolute shennangiains. The numbers on the scale is truly misleading sometimes. To those of you who wrote to my prior post, maybe you were right. Maybe my body did just need a break from diet and exercise. Not to say that I’m not right back at it starting this week! Here is to getting back into the groove on healthy living.
I realized something through this though. I noticed that even though I was dreading stepping on the scale, I was okay with it.I was at peace. I’m happy, and I hope you all get to feel this way. No matter where you are.
But its nice to have a weight loss go in my favor for once, when I’m used to the reverse situation.
Have a wonderful week lovelies,
This weekend was pretty much one of my first major slip ups in quite awhile. Now I’m one of those people who do incorporate my favorite foods into my diet so I don’t get cravings much. With the exception of the very occasional craving for super horrible food from restaurants. Darn you B dubs with your delicious food! haha. But I know for me, my choice to eliminate fast food and restaurant food all together, as much as possible anyway, is the best choice for me. I don’t know about anyone else, but the less junk I have, the less I seem to crave it.
But back to this weekend. I just lost control starting saturday night. It started slow, a few chips and dip at a friends while watching TV. Despite knowing it would push me over my calorie goal without working out at all that day. * Insert facepalm here* Sunday evening being frustrated with my family and eating dinner with them despite knowing I shouldn’t have eaten much more that day, but I didn’t want to fight them anymore. A hot meal is always tempting. They eat so freaking late at night! I just can’t seem to wait. Then my sister bringing me my absolute favorite peanut butter and banana Coldstone ice cream. She was trying to being nice because she knew I was stressed about my neurobiology test today. In addition to having a freaky allergic reaction that day, I found myself binge eating while studying early into the morning.
And boy am I paying for it. I gained a grand total of 3lbs this weekend in the course of 2 really 1 1/2 days. I was 1lb away from the 180s. God I hate my metabolism sometimes. Because, when looking back, I didn’t portion control much, but I didn’t eat too horrible either. I’m just a little frustrated with myself for letting it happen. As well as knowing that normal people, could probably have eaten what I did, and maintained. =( I know my body isn’t theirs, and I need to accept it for what it is. But sometimes I just wish I could have a maintaining weight potential. I’m always loosing or gaining. Unlike my mother and sister who gorge themselves silly and still are so pretty and thin.
Reality Check Time:
Never, give up. This is a journey. Not a one time shot. There are downs to your ups, and this is mine. So even though I lost control this weekend, its no excuse to continue a downward spiral today. If anything its reason to hit the gym harder. To eat cleaner. So enough of this pity party and lets get back to it.
Its not perfection, but persistence and consistency that is the key.
Much love to you all. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving.
This post got really long, so I broke it up into two parts.
So, as I’ve been going through this transformation from fat to fit, I’ve had just about a million different thoughts as far as health is concerned. My brain has spent countless hours thinking about nutrition, health, body composition, metabolism, fitness, diet and tons of others. Between media alone its easy to get wrapped up in all the different body’s of thinking as far as getting healthy goes.
Just about every diet imaginable exists. There’s paleo, vegetarian, pescatarian, vegan, south beach, weight watchers, detox diets, juice cleanses, “military meals”, fasting just to name a few. All have their pros and cons. So how in the world am I supposed to know what to eat? I mean the pin on pinterest disagrees with what this post on Facebook says. The news is telling me that I just need to take an Acaci berry mix to boost my metabolism while Dr. Oz is giving me lists of “super meals”…these are not directly quoted things, but I think most people can agree that these are very close to reality and it’s really hard to decipher whats what when it comes to nutrition via media. Despite there being actually really great resources existing among the junk.
What I believe is a large problem in the US, is the lack of basic understanding as far as nutrition goes. The aforementioned media does not contribute to solving this confusion. Its something that is assumed is taught in the home, and unlike many other (skinnier) countries, the US is one of the few places that does not actually teach nutrition in HEALTH CLASS or PE. Does this not seem
ass backwards to anyone? Its health class, shouldn’t I be taught how to nourish my body? I know that alcohol and drugs are bad, which is generally the focus (at least it was in all the variations I took through the years) but whats the point of avoiding those things if my body is already treated as a waste container with all the junk food I’m giving it? But I digress.
One minute something is bad for you, the next day its a superfood. (see past articles on eggs and their cholesterol vs. protein) You shouldn’t eat carbs, but eat healthy things like lots of fruit….but thats a carb? Diet pop (soda) is actually worse for you than regular (soda), and while eating dried fruit over that bag of lays chips is great, drying fruit can eliminate 30-80% of the vitamin and antioxidant content. So I decided to write out a few things I know to be absolutely true when it comes to a healthy diet. Feel free to do more research. I’d love to hear about it =]
Continue onto the next post if ya wish.
So I just want to say shopping is the most frustrating thing in the world. I have no idea how some women find it therapeutic at all. It just stresses me out to no end. I find if I look in “plus sized” sections or stores I’m not big enough.
For a large woman, I have probably the tiniest butt ever mix it with being top heavy causes shopping to be just about impossible. But when I’m in those sections I also find they are filled with over bedazzled crap. Or really ugly “minimizing” patterns. Who said plus size needs to be gross? Seriously? You’re SUPPOSED to be fashionable. On another note, since when did I need to be labeled as a “diva” or “fabulous” to be that size? Last I checked 1/2 the time I hate those words.But if I’m overweight I obviously have low self esteem and need it to be boosted by these words…..NOT. But who is to say women of other sizes large or small can’t be a diva or fabulous either.
When I go into normal sized stores I don’t see any of that B.S advertising talked about above. When entering I go right to the larger sections the very back of the rack. I have no illusions about my size, but majority of the time they have only 1 or 2 items in the large size. Last I checked there are more than 2 overweight women wanting to look cute, and forget about carrying XL. In the rare event that they have a plus size AND its in the store(A lot of the time you HAVE to go online) I find that the clothes only get wider. And winder by like 5times. Just because your large is the size of my calf doesn’t mean the XL needs to be the size of a tarp. I’m usually swimming in the stuff. And most of the time they are STILL too short which is the reason the large didn’t work in the first place. Simply because my chest caused the shirt to pull up and I don’t want to show my mid drift to the world. But that problem isn’t fixed in the “plus size” or larger sections of stores. So ANNOYING!
But basically, anyone out there know where to find cute clothes? For us in between girls I mean. The ones who never quite fit in anywhere. Honestly, at the end of the day I don’t give a damn what the size says, or where its from, I just want to look good and feel good in it. I’ll step off the soap box now.
Signed, an in between girl.
I find myself on yet another upswing on my weight. I can’t seem to get it straightened out permanently. But something I am coming to realize is that a lot of this has to do with my own self worth.
As with a lot of things in life that deal with our appearance, the way we dress, the make up we put on, how we do our hair, and yes our fitness has to do with self worth. Is going out of your way, or those extra 5 minutes of waking up early to get ready, are they worth it to you? It boils down to are you worth enough to yourself to put the effort into taking care of you.
Unfortunately what has brought me to this realization is my own lack of self worth. As I sit here in the library and reel at the thought that I am admitting this to the blank face of the internet is scary, just ask yourself this simple question. How much do you care about yourself?
Over the past semester I’ve let my self worth slip in multiple situations. As I sit here, I feel the need to write them and hopefully purge them. Skip to the next paragraph if you don’t care to read into specifics.
1-I started dating someone who did not treat me the way I deserved. I find it almost hard to admit that. That I have a standard and that I deserve better. I let him get by with treating me pretty awfully and allowing him to make me feel small and weak. Even through this break up (hasn’t even been a week) I’m struggling, but I’m getting there.
2-All I’ve really done this semester has been study and that fact has probably been part of my struggle. Truth be told, we all deserve a little fun and a break. I should have made more time for people. Doing this caused me to be exhausted and overcome with spurts of depression where on my one day off all I did was hide in my room. Simply waiting for my guy to call, which he never did. Cool right? Unfortunately, I am unable to say that my studying really even paid off.
3-I’ve let my weight go. I didn’t decide hey, I’m worth the extra work. Now I didn’t mentally say, hey lets give up. It was just the ever waning promise of, “I’ll get to it tomorrow”. Which is my own fault, but on some level I truly let some of that depression take control. That depression that started from my lack of putting effort into myself.
4- I haven’t put as much effort into dressing myself or getting up early to take care of my overall look. Fact is, if you put effort into your look you WILL feel at least a little bit better. It will help you get out of bed. It will help you get up a bit earlier and take better care of yourself. Its a boost of confidence and we all need it.
Fact is, as hard as it is to admit sometimes, all these things I’ve talked about, everyone is worth it. No matter who you are, this is something that matters. Like I said a bit earlier, it affects your confidence and has a very real role in your everyday lives. So those 30 extra minutes to put yourself together is definitely worth it. You dear reader, are worth it.
No matter where you are in life. At the end of a break up. After a bad round of finals. After the loss of a job. Whatever the situation. You are worth it. So lets do this together, lets work on ourselves together. Lets put effort into ourselves, because were worth it.
Love you all
Just had my first binge since the start of my weight loss. Woke up and feeling starved. Went downstairs thinking I’ll just have a small snack. Next thing I know I’ve downed a ton of food and killed a huge chunk of calories for the coming day, 1008 to be exact. Thats humiliating to even write. Its been about 10 minutes and I feel AWFUL. Like I want to puke my stomach hurts so bad. This is the worst part to binges. I just want to feel better but I just make myself sick and feel so guilty. On the upside I WAS 105.8lbs this morning but I’m sure thats about to change…..ugh. I hate this about myself.
Just needed to write and not focus on how gross I feel.
So I got an interesting message the other day asking about what things I “use” to help me lose weight/keep me motivated. Looking back I used/currently use quite a few things.
When I started running I used Coach to 5K app. It works great for some, but for me it actually slowed me down. Some days it was too hard to finish and others it was like cake. The way it accelerates just doesn’t fit me. Though, I’ve known people who have been amazingly successful on it. I just went with the push it strategy. I signed up for a 5K and that motivated me to run so I didn’t look silly in front of people in 3months. It does a good job of training people to do a warm up. I don’t run without at least walking at a fast pace for 5 minutes. Its taught me the importance of warm ups.
I had to basically teach myself how to work out. Not the running portion more the weights. The internet has a TON of useful information. Pages like Pinterest, Youtube, and blogs just like this one. The more I educated myself the more effective my work outs could be. It can be hard to pick through some of the crazy things. Realize that the fad diets as well as the one exercise that will help you lose 50lbs is made up. This journey is a long hard one and you just have to work for it. The only other thing you have to watch out for is to make sure all the exercises you’re doing is safe. Injury to the body is only going to slow your weight loss down. So make sure you’re taking care of it!
As far as accountability goes I enlisted a few different tactics. One, I wrote out my goals. Here and a few other places. Two, I told my friends. The more people who knew the more support I got as well as helped me make healthy choices while dinning out. Or at least tried being considerate and making sure their is a healthy option at their party. I am brutally honest with myself and write it here. Forcing myself to tell you all has made me want to keep up my goals. I spent money on my race I signed up for so I didn’t want to back out. Also, Pinterest has a million and one health pins. From exercise, healthy meals, as well as motivation quotes and tools. Finally, other’s weight loss journeys helped inspire me so much. They make is seem so much more doable than like this crazy unachievable goal. Thank you for everyone who is open about your journey, it has helped me tons!
The biggest thing why my weight loss has worked this time was my mindset. I am doing this for me and getting healthy. Not for vanity, because other people tell me I should,
Also, still going strong!!! See below.
Peak Weight: 235lbs
Start Weight: 225lbs
Weight loss so far: 48.2lbs
Just a quick weight update. This morning stepped on the scale and saw a number I have been so desperately craving to see. 189.2. I’m FINALLY in the 180’s! God its been so frustrating gaining and loosing weight. I know its not far from the 190’s but it is a step in the right direction. Its insane to think I lost 45lbs so far. I have a bit of a ways to go. But I’m so happy with whats come so far. Just gotta keep going and keep my head up.
Finals are here. I’m sick. Winter break is almost here! I can’t wait! =]
Peak Weight: 235lbs
Start Weight: 225lbs
Weight loss so far: 45.8 lbs
So my body has been doing what its supposed to for once. Actually loosing weight in response to my eating. Granted its been quick, but I think a lot was water weight even though I drink a ton. I’ll chalk it up to bloating.
I’ve been eating better, but I have yet to go work out just yet. So the “challenge” of 10 days haven’t quite started. I am however thursday planning on going to rock climb and learn to belay. yay! I actually did achieve that goal. I went rock climbing for the first time last saturday and had a blast! When I started that was one of my long term goals since I never really had the confidence to do it. So me and my suite mate K and I are planning on going to learn to belay together. Makes it a lot easier.Plus there tends to be some nice man eye candy…yummy arms…wonder why..haha
Also speaking of men. R has been super distant and I’m pretty sure we are coming to a close. It hurts so much, but I’m post poning thinking about it while he is gone. He scheduled a trip to go away for awhile since he was in a car crash awhile ago. He can’t rest at home. Life and all. But hopefully he comes back rested. Even though we are fighting, I still miss him so much.
Currently I am fighting cravings for eating bad things. I am doing homework in the bottom of fuel(an eating place) and wanting Papa Johns pizza SO SO BAD! God it looks amazing, this girl next to me eating it. I have managed to avoid it, and I’m going to, but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss it. I’m going to finish reading this thing for chemistry, go home. Unload my bag and then get food somewhere and go to class. Yay class.
Hopefully going to work out tonight. Had a chem test today. Tomorrow chem quiz. Thursday Physiology quiz, paper and test. Today I MUST BE PRODUCTIVE!
Heres to hoping!
Peak Weight: 235lbs
Start Weight: 225lbs
Weight loss so far: 39.2 lbs