So, Thanksgiving was basically a bust for me. Diet and exercise both really. Everyday I tried to start with the mentality of, start again….and I would kinda lose it through the day. A bite here, a nibble there. Holidays are hard when grandma is trying to be nice and making your favorite dessert for you. So you end up guilt eating it….but lets be honest, it was delicious all the same. Just a little sad when I really did want to eat clean.
So its safe to say I was nervous to step on the scale this morning to see the damage I’d done, and I saw something absolutely shocking.
191.8lbs. Ummm what?! Thats not real. I hit the scale again… and 191.8lbs blinked back at me. I repeated this several times. Went brushed my teeth tried again to just make sure it wasn’t a blip. This morning I was in fact 191.8lbs. What in the heck?! After my mini splurge the weekend prior I was 194.8lbs. That was a 2 1/2lbs gain. After two days of cleaning eating and exercising I started break and ended that cycle. So with the weekend on Thanksgiving I had 6 days off basically. I didn’t step on a scale, diet, or work out at all during this time, none of it. I had a true break from diet and exercise.
I didn’t just maintain, I actually lost weight. What in the actual hell? This just goes to show you, this weight loss journey is absolute shennangiains. The numbers on the scale is truly misleading sometimes. To those of you who wrote to my prior post, maybe you were right. Maybe my body did just need a break from diet and exercise. Not to say that I’m not right back at it starting this week! Here is to getting back into the groove on healthy living.
I realized something through this though. I noticed that even though I was dreading stepping on the scale, I was okay with it.I was at peace. I’m happy, and I hope you all get to feel this way. No matter where you are.
But its nice to have a weight loss go in my favor for once, when I’m used to the reverse situation.
Have a wonderful week lovelies,
Over Thanksgiving my diet has been wobbly to say the least. I lost the weight from my binge. Gained it. And now loosing it a bit. Lord help my yo-yo diet and weight. But onto the topic of this writing!
I was lucky enough to so something really cool over break, sewing! My grandmother is actually in town for break and we spent some time together doing some sewing. She helped me do some prep, but for the most part with her instruction I did the work. I mended 1 sweater and a skirt. I MADE a brand new skirt. Hemmed and took in 1 pair of jeans, 1 pair of dress pants and a T-shirt. For those of you who don’t sew, that was a solid 4 hours of work. That was with 2 people! I was on a mission!
Quite honestly, when you lose weight, hell when your weight fluctuates drastically up or down, NOTHING fits. I mean absolutely nothing. As awesome as it feels to have clothes be baggy on my new healthier body, having nothing to wear is such a struggle. Waking up in the morning and trying to dress myself in droopy clothes is frustrating. Also, because I know I’m in the middle of my transformation, I don’t wish to go out and spend a ton of money on new clothes that won’t fit in a month or so.
That is why me learning to do even some basic sewing and taking clothes in (yay for shrinking) is a HUGE blessing. I highly encourage those of you out there who are loosing weight to try your hand at it if you can. I mean, if I didn’t adjust a lot of these clothes, I would have thrown them away anyway, so might as well try sewing them. It really isn’t too hard if you go slow and aren’t picky. haha. There are millions of tutorials online if you’re wondering where to start. Long story short, I saved money and expanded my wardrobe by learning (attempting) a new skill. One I hope yo continue and utilize on some of my other pieces of clothing to help save me money as I go.
Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving,
This weekend was pretty much one of my first major slip ups in quite awhile. Now I’m one of those people who do incorporate my favorite foods into my diet so I don’t get cravings much. With the exception of the very occasional craving for super horrible food from restaurants. Darn you B dubs with your delicious food! haha. But I know for me, my choice to eliminate fast food and restaurant food all together, as much as possible anyway, is the best choice for me. I don’t know about anyone else, but the less junk I have, the less I seem to crave it.
But back to this weekend. I just lost control starting saturday night. It started slow, a few chips and dip at a friends while watching TV. Despite knowing it would push me over my calorie goal without working out at all that day. * Insert facepalm here* Sunday evening being frustrated with my family and eating dinner with them despite knowing I shouldn’t have eaten much more that day, but I didn’t want to fight them anymore. A hot meal is always tempting. They eat so freaking late at night! I just can’t seem to wait. Then my sister bringing me my absolute favorite peanut butter and banana Coldstone ice cream. She was trying to being nice because she knew I was stressed about my neurobiology test today. In addition to having a freaky allergic reaction that day, I found myself binge eating while studying early into the morning.
And boy am I paying for it. I gained a grand total of 3lbs this weekend in the course of 2 really 1 1/2 days. I was 1lb away from the 180s. God I hate my metabolism sometimes. Because, when looking back, I didn’t portion control much, but I didn’t eat too horrible either. I’m just a little frustrated with myself for letting it happen. As well as knowing that normal people, could probably have eaten what I did, and maintained. =( I know my body isn’t theirs, and I need to accept it for what it is. But sometimes I just wish I could have a maintaining weight potential. I’m always loosing or gaining. Unlike my mother and sister who gorge themselves silly and still are so pretty and thin.
Reality Check Time:
Never, give up. This is a journey. Not a one time shot. There are downs to your ups, and this is mine. So even though I lost control this weekend, its no excuse to continue a downward spiral today. If anything its reason to hit the gym harder. To eat cleaner. So enough of this pity party and lets get back to it.
Its not perfection, but persistence and consistency that is the key.
Much love to you all. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving.
This post got really long, so I broke it up into two parts.
So, as I’ve been going through this transformation from fat to fit, I’ve had just about a million different thoughts as far as health is concerned. My brain has spent countless hours thinking about nutrition, health, body composition, metabolism, fitness, diet and tons of others. Between media alone its easy to get wrapped up in all the different body’s of thinking as far as getting healthy goes.
Just about every diet imaginable exists. There’s paleo, vegetarian, pescatarian, vegan, south beach, weight watchers, detox diets, juice cleanses, “military meals”, fasting just to name a few. All have their pros and cons. So how in the world am I supposed to know what to eat? I mean the pin on pinterest disagrees with what this post on Facebook says. The news is telling me that I just need to take an Acaci berry mix to boost my metabolism while Dr. Oz is giving me lists of “super meals”…these are not directly quoted things, but I think most people can agree that these are very close to reality and it’s really hard to decipher whats what when it comes to nutrition via media. Despite there being actually really great resources existing among the junk.
What I believe is a large problem in the US, is the lack of basic understanding as far as nutrition goes. The aforementioned media does not contribute to solving this confusion. Its something that is assumed is taught in the home, and unlike many other (skinnier) countries, the US is one of the few places that does not actually teach nutrition in HEALTH CLASS or PE. Does this not seem
ass backwards to anyone? Its health class, shouldn’t I be taught how to nourish my body? I know that alcohol and drugs are bad, which is generally the focus (at least it was in all the variations I took through the years) but whats the point of avoiding those things if my body is already treated as a waste container with all the junk food I’m giving it? But I digress.
One minute something is bad for you, the next day its a superfood. (see past articles on eggs and their cholesterol vs. protein) You shouldn’t eat carbs, but eat healthy things like lots of fruit….but thats a carb? Diet pop (soda) is actually worse for you than regular (soda), and while eating dried fruit over that bag of lays chips is great, drying fruit can eliminate 30-80% of the vitamin and antioxidant content. So I decided to write out a few things I know to be absolutely true when it comes to a healthy diet. Feel free to do more research. I’d love to hear about it =]
Continue onto the next post if ya wish.
So this is a mini rant.
Living at home has brought all sorts of new challenges. Learning to function with the family unit once again, dealing with my parents and siblings, as well as balancing home life with school. But I think the biggest struggle has been the lack of support for my healthy lifestyle.
My family eats garbage. Their diet is absolutely HORRIBLE, I repeat, horrible. The fact that they know I’m dieting and still offer me pizza and take out and candy left and right is infuriating.I now understand how my problems with food started.
I appreciate them, I do, but come on. Their meal plan is awful, and I try to work in eating with them. But when I try to pre plan my day and ask whats to eat, they can’t answer. Then they cannot be upset when I don’t join them for steak tacos at 8pm. By that time I’ve planned my meals and don’t have a ton of calories to be throwing around on a meal. So please quit making me feel guilty about not eating it.
Trust me. I want to eat all these delicious things so
DAMN bad. I would if I could. But my body doesn’t allow for that to be a thing. So please quit tempting me and stuffing the cupboard full of crap.
Okay. End of rant. Much love!
Things have been going pretty great with my weight loss and healthy life style so far. Come tomorrow I will officially have been doing this for 2 months! Yay for consistency! I’ve been crazy busy with work, graduate school, and MCAT studying, but I still have managed to find the time to go to the gym. No clue why I had so many
excuses in years past when I wasn’t anywhere near as busy. Just a few days ago I finished my first full 30 minute “run” at an 11:19 pace. I know for some of you thats slow, but with my health history and back problems I’m really proud of it. Just gotta keep pushing =] Also this is the first time I’ve been incorporating rolling hills into my treadmill work outs. Yes it sucks during, but man do I feel strong at the end! I highly recommend it if you haven’t tried it yet. On a completely superficial note, my butt is 100% shaping up. For a girl with no butt, thats exciting! Its the rolling hills or listening to “All about the Base” when I’m running, thats doing the magic. Take your pick.
On top of that my DIET has been pretty great for the most part. Its fall, I’m going to rock apple cider and doughnuts at least once. Healthy lifestyle change isn’t synonymous with deprivation, it means moderation and accounting and adjusting for those treats. I refuse to feel guilty about enjoying my life and food here and there. My hectic schedule has actually helped in the diet department. I don’t eat out (aint nobody got money for that!) so I have packed my food for lunch and dinner the night before. This has allowed me to plan my meals out very carefully. I personally use my fitnesspal and love it. I MEAN LOVE IT! I suggest you try it out if you’re wanting to get started on meal planning and not sure what a healthy limit is. Its what I used the first time I lost weight as well. I love that you can look at your macro and micronutrients to help round out your diet. Eating clean is 80% of the battle so it helps to have some guidance.
Finally, about my goals. A day earlier than I said, I am under 200lbs! As of this morning I am 199.5lbs. It feels so darn good to finally be out of the over 200lb range. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot of work to do, but it feels so good to be getting back into shape. To see the numbers change feels really good, even though I have to remind myself that it won’t always be this way and its not all about the numbers, it still is exciting! In 2 months I have lost a grand total of 25.5 pounds and 35.5lbs from my peak. I’m so happy to say I think I’m finally back to my healthy ways. Hopefully for good this time.
Hope you all have a restful weekend and a great week!
Much love everyone!
Peak Weight: 235lbs
Start Weight: 225lbs
Weight loss so far: 35.5lbs
In addition to healthy eating I believe it’s important to keep your living space healthy as well. I’m not talking about cleanliness, though it is supposedly next to godliness. I’m talking about clutter. The clutter I accumulate oh so easily with my sentimental/hoarder ways. The biggest problem for me is clothes. Especially with how drastically my weight fluctuation is, its hard to let go of clothes. Even though I may not have worn it in ages, despite weight gain or loss, the voice in the back of my head says, “What if you NEED it later?” So I’ve been planning what I’ve labeled as, “The Purge”. I went through my whole closet tried EVERYTHING on and downsized. If I hesitated, I kept the mantra of there is something better that I’d rather wear. GET RID OF IT! I also had to rule of, if it went into the trash bag, it was NOT allowed to come out. I then reorganized my closet and took the bag to the mission. I believe it is more important to try to donate to homeless shelters than places like Goodwill when possible. Not to knock them, since I shop there all the time, just personal views. Honestly, it feels great! I feel like I’ve eliminated a ton of junk. This is also going to help a ton with summer coming to an end and yet another move coming my way.No point in moving and carrying things around I won’t wear or want to keep. Next on the list is the jewelry and bathroom purge. But those are way less time consuming that the closet. So yay!
Diet has been going okay. I’ve had a hard time starting back up with mini binges but I think I’ve finally gotten it under control. I realize for me the tradition has to be a bit slower to avoid feeling like I’m starving right off the bat. I found this is easiest for me since its a drastic adjustment because my struggle is portions, and I’m used to just filling myself. Instead of cutting off right away slowly doing it helps me stay on track. I’m proud to say I am down to 209.6 lbs! Which means I get my first “reward” off my list. Pedicure time with mom! =] Super excited and happy to be losing weight once again.
Have a great week everyone!
Peak Weight: 235lbs
Start Weight: 225lbs
Weight loss so far: 25.4lbs
Warning: This is an all over emotional rant. But its where I am at. My apologies if its a bit jumpy in the logic.
So, currently sitting in my room trying to remember when I decided to come home for summer. Also wondering WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH ME?! and I want to hit past me in the face. Financially I couldn’t afford to stay and school.Thats a fact. Factoid #2 is I don’t have a job here unlike back at school where I had 2. Eff. So I am actually stuck around the house. Fact #3 I HATE living with my family. My mother drives me crazy, my father is critical and I hate being around them. Fact #4 being around them constantly causes fights and ups my anxiety. Which indirectly affects my binge eating my stress levels and so on. Which leads me to my biggest fear.Gaining weight and being unhealthy. Oh wait thats my current reality and throw in lower self esteem thanks to my mother.
Living here, at home, with them makes me completely and utterly unhealthy. 100%. I’m beginning to realize a large portion of my unhealthy lifestyle and weight issues are thanks to my family. This realization, quite frankly, is pissing me off. Like what the hell? How was I ever supposed to do well with this atmosphere? Both my siblings have weight issues. I’ve tried time and time again to convince them to get the crap out of the house but they just won’t. They hold onto it and its slowly killing me. Literally. Obesity is one of the most avoidable causes of death and disease.
My father currently is recovering from a 2nd knee surgery which is partially from working hard labor but mostly being overweight. Though he won’t admit it. I just get angry looking at them. Like you did this to yourself and inadvertently, that will be me. I will be the one getting surgery because I can’t take the time to eat better.
I don’t have any clue what to do. I wish my mother realized I truly do have a binge eating problem. I have the hardest time resisting to indulge with it there ALL the time. Instead of indulging my father in what he wants she needs to stop it. Stop buying him oreos and apple pie and ice cream. Like effing christ. My eating habits are from them. This is WHY I had to work so hard. This is what I’m constantly fighting my weight and my cravings. Its why I didn’t have a clue what healthy eating was to begin with.
I just want to be normal. I want to be healthy. I don’t want to feel like I have to skip or eat a special separate dinner to eat with them. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin.
I feel so defeated. My weight has jumped insane amounts. I am past where I said I would never return. I just want to leave so bad, but I can’t. =/
Someone have any clue where to go from here? I feel so defeated. Guess I’ll always looks this way. I give.
Okay. I’ve been absent but life had gone nuts for quite a bit and with it went my weight.
EFF. Here we go again.
School/End Of Year
Through finals I was on the edge fighting for a lot of my grades. I had pretty much given up hope on organic but wasn’t going down without a fight. I kind of assumed I was going to have to retake it getting a possible C which does not help with my MD dreams. Somehow I kicked butt on the final and ended up with a B. A freaking B! Holy shit! I was praying for a B- but hot damn I did it. Got A in psychopathology and my research 499 and an A- in my cadaver dissection. A graduate course, which I am quite pleased with. Deans list baby! Med school here I come…I hope.
I’m now home. The semester finished up I cleaned up and completed my RA duties. Won RA program of the year. Very proud of that. Said goodbye to my staff and am finally home. Love and hate being home all at once. My Mom drives me a little crazy and I’ve only been home for 5 days. I don’t have room for any of my clothes or things which is frustrating. But it’ll work out, I think. Still looking for a job. Set up a lot of shadowing opportunities this summer. 1 pediatrician 1 OBGYN and 1 hospitals and hopefully a podiatrist. Gotta get the experience in! I also want to get more involved in my home church and volunteer some more. Can’t wait!
Here is my embarrassment. Through the past month/4 weeks I have gained roughly 15lbs. I know its horribly disgusting. Just grades had to come first. I didn’t have time to walk across the 1/2 mile campus there and back to go eat the salads. =/ It’s not that I’ve eaten all that bad, in addition I just haven’t had time to work out. Thats the frustrating part with my body. I feel like I gain weight so much easier than everyone else. Its not massive portions and its not extremely unhealthy. Its just not salads every day. Which is sort of disheartening. Its like, to be anywhere near normal do I have to really eat salads everyday for my body? I’m limiting calorie intake to 1300calories and still watching it…but I guess I wish I could maintain with that. I need to get over my pity party. Time to suck it up and eat rabbit food and exercise once again. Its my own fault my body is like this so here I am taking responsibility.
ummm…so I’m dating someone? He is exactly everything I would never imagine dating but I like him. He’s got some bad habits (smoking ew) but I like him all the same. Met in h.s and just reconnected. I’ll keep you all posted.
Time to be religious about blogging and being accountable for my weight. Here we go summer!