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The Turn Around…Brutal honesty and a few explainations

So…

SUMMER: Recap and an explanation about what happened in the last post.

I’ve been away and my last post was extremely low. I suppose low is a good way to describe how my summer has been going. I started out with injuring a disk in my back causing significant nerve damage. This damaged manifested in losing a large chunk of muscle control in my lower back, thigh, calf and toe. Which basically pulled me away from working out and running. I was basically unable to get around, bend over, and deal with everyday chores. This did spark a lot of anxiety in me and depression which is something I struggle with. 

Add that into coming home to  a very negative household caused a lot of stress. And Basically I hit a depressed downward spiral and gave up. I just gained the majority of my weight I worked so hard to eliminate and have mixed feelings on it.

I went through physical therapy(PT) and got to a point that I was able to actually counsel the summer camp I traditionally counsel. Still going through PT and working to gain my strength back. Another thing directly after that was my family went to summerfest in WI which was a lot of fun. Camping and such. An 11 day festival with 9 venues and amazing artists was a blast but exhausting. I had two days and now I find myself here back in GR visiting a good friend. Convicted to write about…well everything.

Love Life: FLASHBACK. Back in December I started talking to this guy I went to high school with. Lets call him M. Just talking on the phone and getting to know each other more. Some shameless flirting later, I found myself with a giant crush. Despite everything in my past with R and falling so hard and being so hurt by him, I was absolutely shocked that I gained the crush for M so easily. He made it easy. He’s the sweetest guy and I can talk to him about anything. And not to say that I love him just yet, but he’s helped me believe that I could potentially love someone again. If not more so than I ever did R. Which is pretty great. We officially started dating March 31 (Easter) hah. So at the end of July almost 4 months for me and him. He’s wonderfully handsome and right now, he fits me perfectly. Yes there are some flaws we are working through them as a couple. I like him tons and tons.

Coming into the new school year I am setting goals before graduation.

1- Find good friends.

2-Get connected to the church more. Get connected to God more.

3-Finish my personal statement.Shadow more MDs

4- 4.0 a semester and up my GPA

5-Volunteer over 200 hours.

6-Take the MCAT

7-Lose 60lbs in 8months. I believe that is doable. Hard, but doable.Meaning working out constantly and a healthy diet.

8-Grow my relationship with M

9-Get better at my guitar/uke.

10-Love myself. I need it.

I WILL do these. Even if it kills me. I want this for myself more than anything. So there we go. These should all help me achieve what I want for getting into Med School and achieving what I want out of life. Someone made the comment about how society these days is about getting by, and we really should be loving where we are at. I want to love my life. These are the steps I am taking to do so.

With peace,

-B

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I’m BACKKKKKKKKK!

Hey all,

So I’ve been not writing for a while. I also had stopped loosing weight and working out. I had a rough semester a mix of having severe mono, getting over my ex, finding my place and way around school again. It was just one giant cluster F. I gained and lost and ultimately was able to pretty much maintain in the 195lbs range. But I decided its time to start caring about myself again. Being selfish and taking the time for myself.

I find that for me, setting short term goals and writing them down helps me.

1-Get back into the habit of eating “clean”

2-Exercise 4 days a week and go hard. If I’m not sore, I did it wrong. Possibly go again.

3- Get back to church. Which I’ve started some.

4-Stop procrastinating school!!! I’m the worst at this.

5-Be the best RA possible.

6-Be able to run a 9 minute mile

7-Be able to run a 5k without stopping.-yep, I lost all my hard work this summer. Gah.

But thats about it. 7 goals. I want to keep these for the next 5 weeks. So one week after my personal spring break. Here is to hopping this all works out.Sorry for this being so random if anyone is reading, I just needed this out of my head. Well, I’m off to the gym!

-B

Peak Weight: 235lbs

Start Weight: 225lbs

Current Weight:190.0lbs

Weight loss so far: 45.0lbs