So, Thanksgiving was basically a bust for me. Diet and exercise both really. Everyday I tried to start with the mentality of, start again….and I would kinda lose it through the day. A bite here, a nibble there. Holidays are hard when grandma is trying to be nice and making your favorite dessert for you. So you end up guilt eating it….but lets be honest, it was delicious all the same. Just a little sad when I really did want to eat clean.
So its safe to say I was nervous to step on the scale this morning to see the damage I’d done, and I saw something absolutely shocking.
191.8lbs. Ummm what?! Thats not real. I hit the scale again… and 191.8lbs blinked back at me. I repeated this several times. Went brushed my teeth tried again to just make sure it wasn’t a blip. This morning I was in fact 191.8lbs. What in the heck?! After my mini splurge the weekend prior I was 194.8lbs. That was a 2 1/2lbs gain. After two days of cleaning eating and exercising I started break and ended that cycle. So with the weekend on Thanksgiving I had 6 days off basically. I didn’t step on a scale, diet, or work out at all during this time, none of it. I had a true break from diet and exercise.
I didn’t just maintain, I actually lost weight. What in the actual hell? This just goes to show you, this weight loss journey is absolute shennangiains. The numbers on the scale is truly misleading sometimes. To those of you who wrote to my prior post, maybe you were right. Maybe my body did just need a break from diet and exercise. Not to say that I’m not right back at it starting this week! Here is to getting back into the groove on healthy living.
I realized something through this though. I noticed that even though I was dreading stepping on the scale, I was okay with it.I was at peace. I’m happy, and I hope you all get to feel this way. No matter where you are.
But its nice to have a weight loss go in my favor for once, when I’m used to the reverse situation.
Have a wonderful week lovelies,
Over Thanksgiving my diet has been wobbly to say the least. I lost the weight from my binge. Gained it. And now loosing it a bit. Lord help my yo-yo diet and weight. But onto the topic of this writing!
I was lucky enough to so something really cool over break, sewing! My grandmother is actually in town for break and we spent some time together doing some sewing. She helped me do some prep, but for the most part with her instruction I did the work. I mended 1 sweater and a skirt. I MADE a brand new skirt. Hemmed and took in 1 pair of jeans, 1 pair of dress pants and a T-shirt. For those of you who don’t sew, that was a solid 4 hours of work. That was with 2 people! I was on a mission!
Quite honestly, when you lose weight, hell when your weight fluctuates drastically up or down, NOTHING fits. I mean absolutely nothing. As awesome as it feels to have clothes be baggy on my new healthier body, having nothing to wear is such a struggle. Waking up in the morning and trying to dress myself in droopy clothes is frustrating. Also, because I know I’m in the middle of my transformation, I don’t wish to go out and spend a ton of money on new clothes that won’t fit in a month or so.
That is why me learning to do even some basic sewing and taking clothes in (yay for shrinking) is a HUGE blessing. I highly encourage those of you out there who are loosing weight to try your hand at it if you can. I mean, if I didn’t adjust a lot of these clothes, I would have thrown them away anyway, so might as well try sewing them. It really isn’t too hard if you go slow and aren’t picky. haha. There are millions of tutorials online if you’re wondering where to start. Long story short, I saved money and expanded my wardrobe by learning (attempting) a new skill. One I hope yo continue and utilize on some of my other pieces of clothing to help save me money as I go.
Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving,
This weekend was pretty much one of my first major slip ups in quite awhile. Now I’m one of those people who do incorporate my favorite foods into my diet so I don’t get cravings much. With the exception of the very occasional craving for super horrible food from restaurants. Darn you B dubs with your delicious food! haha. But I know for me, my choice to eliminate fast food and restaurant food all together, as much as possible anyway, is the best choice for me. I don’t know about anyone else, but the less junk I have, the less I seem to crave it.
But back to this weekend. I just lost control starting saturday night. It started slow, a few chips and dip at a friends while watching TV. Despite knowing it would push me over my calorie goal without working out at all that day. * Insert facepalm here* Sunday evening being frustrated with my family and eating dinner with them despite knowing I shouldn’t have eaten much more that day, but I didn’t want to fight them anymore. A hot meal is always tempting. They eat so freaking late at night! I just can’t seem to wait. Then my sister bringing me my absolute favorite peanut butter and banana Coldstone ice cream. She was trying to being nice because she knew I was stressed about my neurobiology test today. In addition to having a freaky allergic reaction that day, I found myself binge eating while studying early into the morning.
And boy am I paying for it. I gained a grand total of 3lbs this weekend in the course of 2 really 1 1/2 days. I was 1lb away from the 180s. God I hate my metabolism sometimes. Because, when looking back, I didn’t portion control much, but I didn’t eat too horrible either. I’m just a little frustrated with myself for letting it happen. As well as knowing that normal people, could probably have eaten what I did, and maintained. =( I know my body isn’t theirs, and I need to accept it for what it is. But sometimes I just wish I could have a maintaining weight potential. I’m always loosing or gaining. Unlike my mother and sister who gorge themselves silly and still are so pretty and thin.
Reality Check Time:
Never, give up. This is a journey. Not a one time shot. There are downs to your ups, and this is mine. So even though I lost control this weekend, its no excuse to continue a downward spiral today. If anything its reason to hit the gym harder. To eat cleaner. So enough of this pity party and lets get back to it.
Its not perfection, but persistence and consistency that is the key.
Much love to you all. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving.
This post got really long, so I broke it up into two parts.
So, as I’ve been going through this transformation from fat to fit, I’ve had just about a million different thoughts as far as health is concerned. My brain has spent countless hours thinking about nutrition, health, body composition, metabolism, fitness, diet and tons of others. Between media alone its easy to get wrapped up in all the different body’s of thinking as far as getting healthy goes.
Just about every diet imaginable exists. There’s paleo, vegetarian, pescatarian, vegan, south beach, weight watchers, detox diets, juice cleanses, “military meals”, fasting just to name a few. All have their pros and cons. So how in the world am I supposed to know what to eat? I mean the pin on pinterest disagrees with what this post on Facebook says. The news is telling me that I just need to take an Acaci berry mix to boost my metabolism while Dr. Oz is giving me lists of “super meals”…these are not directly quoted things, but I think most people can agree that these are very close to reality and it’s really hard to decipher whats what when it comes to nutrition via media. Despite there being actually really great resources existing among the junk.
What I believe is a large problem in the US, is the lack of basic understanding as far as nutrition goes. The aforementioned media does not contribute to solving this confusion. Its something that is assumed is taught in the home, and unlike many other (skinnier) countries, the US is one of the few places that does not actually teach nutrition in HEALTH CLASS or PE. Does this not seem
ass backwards to anyone? Its health class, shouldn’t I be taught how to nourish my body? I know that alcohol and drugs are bad, which is generally the focus (at least it was in all the variations I took through the years) but whats the point of avoiding those things if my body is already treated as a waste container with all the junk food I’m giving it? But I digress.
One minute something is bad for you, the next day its a superfood. (see past articles on eggs and their cholesterol vs. protein) You shouldn’t eat carbs, but eat healthy things like lots of fruit….but thats a carb? Diet pop (soda) is actually worse for you than regular (soda), and while eating dried fruit over that bag of lays chips is great, drying fruit can eliminate 30-80% of the vitamin and antioxidant content. So I decided to write out a few things I know to be absolutely true when it comes to a healthy diet. Feel free to do more research. I’d love to hear about it =]
Continue onto the next post if ya wish.
So this is a mini rant.
Living at home has brought all sorts of new challenges. Learning to function with the family unit once again, dealing with my parents and siblings, as well as balancing home life with school. But I think the biggest struggle has been the lack of support for my healthy lifestyle.
My family eats garbage. Their diet is absolutely HORRIBLE, I repeat, horrible. The fact that they know I’m dieting and still offer me pizza and take out and candy left and right is infuriating.I now understand how my problems with food started.
I appreciate them, I do, but come on. Their meal plan is awful, and I try to work in eating with them. But when I try to pre plan my day and ask whats to eat, they can’t answer. Then they cannot be upset when I don’t join them for steak tacos at 8pm. By that time I’ve planned my meals and don’t have a ton of calories to be throwing around on a meal. So please quit making me feel guilty about not eating it.
Trust me. I want to eat all these delicious things so
DAMN bad. I would if I could. But my body doesn’t allow for that to be a thing. So please quit tempting me and stuffing the cupboard full of crap.
Okay. End of rant. Much love!
Things have been going pretty great with my weight loss and healthy life style so far. Come tomorrow I will officially have been doing this for 2 months! Yay for consistency! I’ve been crazy busy with work, graduate school, and MCAT studying, but I still have managed to find the time to go to the gym. No clue why I had so many
excuses in years past when I wasn’t anywhere near as busy. Just a few days ago I finished my first full 30 minute “run” at an 11:19 pace. I know for some of you thats slow, but with my health history and back problems I’m really proud of it. Just gotta keep pushing =] Also this is the first time I’ve been incorporating rolling hills into my treadmill work outs. Yes it sucks during, but man do I feel strong at the end! I highly recommend it if you haven’t tried it yet. On a completely superficial note, my butt is 100% shaping up. For a girl with no butt, thats exciting! Its the rolling hills or listening to “All about the Base” when I’m running, thats doing the magic. Take your pick.
On top of that my DIET has been pretty great for the most part. Its fall, I’m going to rock apple cider and doughnuts at least once. Healthy lifestyle change isn’t synonymous with deprivation, it means moderation and accounting and adjusting for those treats. I refuse to feel guilty about enjoying my life and food here and there. My hectic schedule has actually helped in the diet department. I don’t eat out (aint nobody got money for that!) so I have packed my food for lunch and dinner the night before. This has allowed me to plan my meals out very carefully. I personally use my fitnesspal and love it. I MEAN LOVE IT! I suggest you try it out if you’re wanting to get started on meal planning and not sure what a healthy limit is. Its what I used the first time I lost weight as well. I love that you can look at your macro and micronutrients to help round out your diet. Eating clean is 80% of the battle so it helps to have some guidance.
Finally, about my goals. A day earlier than I said, I am under 200lbs! As of this morning I am 199.5lbs. It feels so darn good to finally be out of the over 200lb range. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot of work to do, but it feels so good to be getting back into shape. To see the numbers change feels really good, even though I have to remind myself that it won’t always be this way and its not all about the numbers, it still is exciting! In 2 months I have lost a grand total of 25.5 pounds and 35.5lbs from my peak. I’m so happy to say I think I’m finally back to my healthy ways. Hopefully for good this time.
Hope you all have a restful weekend and a great week!
Much love everyone!
Peak Weight: 235lbs
Start Weight: 225lbs
Weight loss so far: 35.5lbs
Its been a little while since I’ve posted consistently. Since last summer’s back injury mixed with what my doctor now expects to be endometriosis my health has been an uphill a battle. Not just weight loss, but attempting day to day function.
Weight loss has been about the furthest thing from my mind. I’m just sick of being in pain all the time. Most days I’m exhausted and just getting up and taking care of myself is hard. Things have gotten worse and my back may now actually be linked to my suspected endometriosis. Now its extremely rare for this to be true, but my doc has a hunch based off of when my back problems flare up.
Currently I am deciding which treatment routes I want to take. Exploratory surgery or crazy hormone therapy. Not sure which is the worst of two evils. Personally, I am scared of both, but I’m to the point that I’m more afraid of not living my life.
Honestly. Lately, for the last year I haven’t been able to live my life. This chronic pain has controlled me from the beginning. I’m sick of feeling like a flake and canceling on friends because of last-minute pain or sickness. I’m tired of lying to my guy friends about whats wrong with me. Annoyed with it wrecking my grades and forcing me to tell my teachers about it. Moving test dates or outright getting zeros. I’m done with this.
Pain that last more than a week at a time is mind numbing. It used to be just one week a month which was exhausting, yet, manageable. Now it is something that has expanded to the week before and week after. That means I get 1 good week a month. Only 1. I get to live 12 weeks out of 56 a year. I’d rather die.
I live in fear of flare ups. I worry about having to make a quick exit. I can’t be as spontaneous or do random things with my friends. I have to always make sure a bathroom or trashcan is near in case I get sick. Forget about long road trips or beaches or camping really. All 3 things, I used to adore. Its controlling me. Its controlling the people I love.
Its taken a toll on my whole family, my roommate, friends. The ones who know, worry. To them, it’s not normal to see someone so sick or in pain all the time. I hate making them worry. I really really hate it. Part of why I try to hide it so much. Its a fine balance as far as talking about it goes. Isolation can make it harder, but explaining can be worse and make a relationship weird. So I chose silence. Much to my dismay, there have been a lot of times where I can’t hide it. I try explaining that this is my normal. This is the hand I was dealt and I just have to deal. I get sick and I hurt really bad. Thats that. Nothing anyone can really do. No doctor has ever been able to really help me. So what now?
Iburophen, vicoden, flexerol, various muscle relaxers, narco…you name it, I’ve tried it and none of these medications do anything for the pain. So I just don’t take them. I’m scared of taking them anyway, feels like I’m poisoning my body. I literally just have to deal with it. Well I’m done dealing with it.
What do you do when you’re trapped in your own body? When you’re so tired and you’ve given up on being normal?
I want my body and my life back.
I find myself on yet another upswing on my weight. I can’t seem to get it straightened out permanently. But something I am coming to realize is that a lot of this has to do with my own self worth.
As with a lot of things in life that deal with our appearance, the way we dress, the make up we put on, how we do our hair, and yes our fitness has to do with self worth. Is going out of your way, or those extra 5 minutes of waking up early to get ready, are they worth it to you? It boils down to are you worth enough to yourself to put the effort into taking care of you.
Unfortunately what has brought me to this realization is my own lack of self worth. As I sit here in the library and reel at the thought that I am admitting this to the blank face of the internet is scary, just ask yourself this simple question. How much do you care about yourself?
Over the past semester I’ve let my self worth slip in multiple situations. As I sit here, I feel the need to write them and hopefully purge them. Skip to the next paragraph if you don’t care to read into specifics.
1-I started dating someone who did not treat me the way I deserved. I find it almost hard to admit that. That I have a standard and that I deserve better. I let him get by with treating me pretty awfully and allowing him to make me feel small and weak. Even through this break up (hasn’t even been a week) I’m struggling, but I’m getting there.
2-All I’ve really done this semester has been study and that fact has probably been part of my struggle. Truth be told, we all deserve a little fun and a break. I should have made more time for people. Doing this caused me to be exhausted and overcome with spurts of depression where on my one day off all I did was hide in my room. Simply waiting for my guy to call, which he never did. Cool right? Unfortunately, I am unable to say that my studying really even paid off.
3-I’ve let my weight go. I didn’t decide hey, I’m worth the extra work. Now I didn’t mentally say, hey lets give up. It was just the ever waning promise of, “I’ll get to it tomorrow”. Which is my own fault, but on some level I truly let some of that depression take control. That depression that started from my lack of putting effort into myself.
4- I haven’t put as much effort into dressing myself or getting up early to take care of my overall look. Fact is, if you put effort into your look you WILL feel at least a little bit better. It will help you get out of bed. It will help you get up a bit earlier and take better care of yourself. Its a boost of confidence and we all need it.
Fact is, as hard as it is to admit sometimes, all these things I’ve talked about, everyone is worth it. No matter who you are, this is something that matters. Like I said a bit earlier, it affects your confidence and has a very real role in your everyday lives. So those 30 extra minutes to put yourself together is definitely worth it. You dear reader, are worth it.
No matter where you are in life. At the end of a break up. After a bad round of finals. After the loss of a job. Whatever the situation. You are worth it. So lets do this together, lets work on ourselves together. Lets put effort into ourselves, because were worth it.
Love you all
Just had my first binge since the start of my weight loss. Woke up and feeling starved. Went downstairs thinking I’ll just have a small snack. Next thing I know I’ve downed a ton of food and killed a huge chunk of calories for the coming day, 1008 to be exact. Thats humiliating to even write. Its been about 10 minutes and I feel AWFUL. Like I want to puke my stomach hurts so bad. This is the worst part to binges. I just want to feel better but I just make myself sick and feel so guilty. On the upside I WAS 105.8lbs this morning but I’m sure thats about to change…..ugh. I hate this about myself.
Just needed to write and not focus on how gross I feel.