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Sloppy Eating Slip Ups =/ -Brutal Honesty and Reality Checks

Hey all,

This weekend was pretty much one of my first major slip ups in quite awhile. Now I’m one of those people who do incorporate my favorite foods into my diet so I don’t get cravings much. With the exception of the very occasional craving for super horrible food from restaurants. Darn you B dubs with your delicious food! haha. But I know for me, my choice to eliminate fast food and restaurant food all together, as much as possible anyway, is the best choice for me. I don’t know about anyone else, but the less junk I have, the less I seem to crave it.

But back to this weekend. I just lost control starting saturday night. It started slow, a few chips and dip at a friends while watching TV. Despite knowing it would push me over my calorie goal without working out at all that day. * Insert facepalm here* Sunday evening being frustrated with my family and eating dinner with them despite knowing I shouldn’t have eaten much more that day, but I didn’t want to fight them anymore. A hot meal is always tempting. They eat so freaking late at night! I just can’t seem to wait. Then my sister bringing me my absolute favorite peanut butter and banana Coldstone ice cream. She was trying to being nice because she knew I was stressed about my neurobiology test today. In addition to having a freaky allergic reaction that day, I found myself binge eating while studying early into the morning.

And boy am I paying for it. I gained a grand total of 3lbs this weekend in the course of 2 really 1 1/2 days. I was 1lb away from the 180s. God I hate my metabolism sometimes. Because, when looking back, I didn’t portion control much, but I didn’t eat too horrible either. I’m just a little frustrated with myself for letting it happen. As well as knowing that normal people, could probably have eaten what I did, and maintained. =( I know my body isn’t theirs, and I need to accept it for what it is. But sometimes I just wish I could have a maintaining weight potential. I’m always loosing or gaining. Unlike my mother and sister who gorge themselves silly and still are so pretty and thin.

Reality Check Time:

Never, give up. This is a journey. Not a one time shot. There are downs to your ups, and this is mine. So even though I lost control this weekend, its no excuse to continue a downward spiral today. If anything its reason to hit the gym harder. To eat cleaner. So enough of this pity party and lets get back to it.

How I'm feeling right now...

How I’m feeling right now…

Its not perfection, but persistence and consistency that is the key.

Much love to you all. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

-B

Family support and lack there of….

This is how I feel about food some days...

This is how I feel about food some days…

So this is a mini rant.

Living at home has brought all sorts of new challenges. Learning to function with the family unit once again, dealing with my parents and siblings, as well as balancing home life with school. But I think the biggest struggle has been the lack of support for my healthy lifestyle.

My family eats garbage. Their diet is absolutely HORRIBLE, I repeat, horrible. The fact that they know I’m dieting and still offer me pizza and take out  and candy left and right is infuriating.I now understand how my problems with food started.

I appreciate them, I do, but come on. Their meal plan is awful, and I try to work in eating with them. But when I try to pre plan my day and ask whats to eat, they can’t answer. Then they cannot be upset when I don’t join them for steak tacos at 8pm. By that time I’ve planned my meals and don’t have a ton of calories to be throwing around on a meal. So please quit making me feel guilty about not eating it.

Trust me. I want to eat all these delicious things so DAMN bad. I would if I could. But my body doesn’t allow for that to be a thing. So please quit tempting me and stuffing the cupboard full of crap.

Okay. End of rant. Much love!

-B

 

So finals are upon us. I am sick with mono. I’m loosing some weight not really trying just making the voice to not eat crappy.Its crazy to think I have lost 45lbs so far. Thats a small child. A SMALL CHILD. So glad its gone…now to loose another small child. lol. Its a long way to go. Holiday food scares me. Just have to keep making healthy choices.

-B

Peak Weight: 235lbs

Start Weight: 225lbs

Current Weight:190.0lbs

Weight loss so far: 45.0 lbs

Hey everyone,

I know it has been quite awhile. But here has been really busy. quick highlights:

  • R and I broke up. My world was kinda crushed. I’m struggling but getting better.
  • I’m at a low weight yay! But that was after I increased quite a bit.
  • I’m vitamin D deficient. Like to the max. So thats part of why I had been so sleepy and loosing my hair brittle nails and gaining some weight.
  • I had mono…and didn’t see a doctor till after the fact. “mama didn’t raise any whiners”
  • My floor is amazing I love them as people
  • Thanksgiving break is coming up. yay!
  • School is going okay.
  • Running=I suck

So that was the brief stuff if you wanted. Now here is the actual explanation of everything. I’ve been MIA because school is REALLY getting hard. I don’t know what it is but I’ve been struggling more than ever.

I had been really sick and brushed it off as a cold. Not really having a doctors office open at college student hours here sucked. I finally went after I gained a total of 25lbs in 2 weeks. No joke. It was insane. I wanted to cry when I stepped on the scale. Those numbers made me feel like I had lost a llc control. Even though all I really eat is super healthy things and none of the yummy fatty things. Was truly heart breaking. So I went to the doctors got some blood work. Turns out I had mono and have extreme vit. D deficiency. They said its common, but my levels are so low that I’ll need a doctor prescribed amount.  So I worked really hard and I’m back down to being smaller.

R and I broke up. Well he broke up with me. Its stupid to be so upset. But we were a week away from a year….and I fell apart. I just didn’t care and was sad. I couldn’t do much of anything for a few days. Why must dating be so hard? If there is someone out there for everyone, where is my someone? Why am I alone? =/ Part of me thinks I will be the friend who never gets anyone. I’ll be the one who dies alone. Let be honest, people do all the time. That sounds awful but its true. I feel so lonely and when I think about it, who would want someone like me? Slowly becoming an ex-fat girl….blech. Lets not go there. I just have to focus on finding other things to love, instead of a love I suppose.

Running.God I love and hate running. I hate doing it. I hate walking to the gym if I do it there. I hate it during and how sore I am after. But I love what it does for my body. I haven’t been going lately and I feel like all the hard work I did, I just lost it all. I’m really worried about the holidays. I don’t want to gain weight but thats all I do at home. I REALLY REALLY REALLY need to watch it there. Small portions and only 3 meals. No snacks. Oatmeal every morning. That’ll at least start the days off right. At least with the time off after the semester I can work out a lot. Thats the plan at least. Hopefully it’ll actually happen.

Have you ever just looked in the mirror and hated what you see? When I was first loosing weight it felt so good. I’d be happy to see my thinner face smiling back. But I’m not seeing  a difference anymore. And I just feel and look tired. Maybe the semester is creating me down, or I really am struggling with my confidence.

I try to get rid of the illusion that “When I’m thin, I’ll be happy”. I want to be happy now. I can’t live like that. But its so hard to not think that way. I wish…I guess…well…I wish I could feel beautiful. Even if it was just for a little bit. I can honestly say, I have never felt that way. I look back and just remembering how awkward and ugly I felt. I just….I don’t know what to do. This sounds so stupid and pathetic. I’m fine. I’m just getting it out I suppose. How does one teach themselves to feel beautiful? How do you train yourself to love your body and all its flaws?

Don’t know if anyone is reading this. But…if you are, thanks. I think. Even though I don’t know. This at least gives me the illusion I’m not alone.

 

-B

Peak Weight: 235lbs

Start Weight: 225lbs

Current Weight:192.4lbs

Weight loss so far: 42.6 lbs

The vow-day 4

First of all,sorry for the short and somewhat crappy post yesterday. It was safe to say I was EXHAUSTED.

Today however was pretty productive. I worked in the morning and then cleaned most of the day. Ate pretty well. Greek yogurt for breakfast. Rice and chicken for lunch and dinner peanut butter sandwich. Add a hard boiled egg and you have my day.

I went for a small walk/run. Only went a mile. I couldn’t seem to get my balance on the treadmill at all. It really was hard for some reason. Too slow, too quick just all over. I really want one good run ya know? I just have to do it tomorrow. I will ROCK tomorrow’s run and my body has no choice.

Also tomorrow I need to finish packing and cleaning as well as touching base with a few teachers and actually teach in 309 tomorrow. It’ll be a blast.

I’m quite hungry right now and am fighting cravings so I’m drinking water and possibly debating a small snack. TBD later.

Happy weight loss! I know my scale is behaving itself =] I’m past the obesity point as well for a second time.yay!

-B

Day 4

Peak Weight: 235lbs

Start Weight: 225lbs

Current Weight:196.8lbs

Weight loss so far: 38.2lbs

The Vow- Day 2

Today started rough. I could not for the life of me convince myself to get out of bed until 10. Lazed around and ate breakfast(greek yogurt) until 1130 and then convinced myself to get to the gym.

My run was pretty good for someone who hasn’t had a decent run for a week or so. I did a 5 minute warm up then ran at a 9:22 pace for a solid 12minutes then walked for 5 ran 5 walked 2 ran until I hit the 2.5mile mark. Then walked 1minute and ran the until 3.11miles(5K+). Then did a 5 min cool down…giving me these final results. At all points I was running at least 9:44. I refused to be a 10minute mile girl. Granted with walk averages I may have been more*shrug*

20120728-224220.jpg

3.37miles! A safe amount over the 5K just in case the treadmill lies.

Lunch was fetichini Alfredo from a frozen meal and a strawberry smoothie! Who said eating good couldn’t be yummy? 1 up of strawberries and 6ice cubes. Adding some water as needed. Also on my lunch break I hard boiled eggs and set out some chicken to thaw for tomorrow.

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Strawberry smoothie! yum and my best friend the Camelback water bottle.

I worked the desk from 3-9pm. Came home made dinner of turkey buyer and mexican rice. So yummy! Finally getting things done around here and organizing everything thank goodness.

What I’m missing out most on in my diet is “good fats” I eat peanut butter and sometimes almonds for snacks, but otherwise I need to figure out ways to rev the fats up. I would be grateful for your thoughts!

Before bed I tried doing this ab challege:

http://kayciesantics.blogspot.com/2012/03/300-ultimate-ab-and-core-challenge_22.html

Its safe to say I felt the burn but I definitely struggled with more leg pain than abs.

Otherwise day 2 pretty okay overall

-B

Day 2

Peak Weight: 235lbs

Start Weight: 225lbs

Current Weight:200.2lbs

Weight loss so far: 34.8lbs

Wednesday

Today didn’t start off so hot. I’m having a really hard time from binge eating at night. But this morning started with me ignoring several alarms and managed to wake up 2 minutes before my 7 hour shift. So I ran grabbed the cheese it box and got to work ASAP. On time =] but left with no water and only the massive horrible for you to eat cheese its.So good, but I felt guilty all day with nothing to do about it but kinda starve myself. I got home had some greek yogurt (110 calories!) and banana (roughly 110) If I didn’t have those darn cheese its I’d be in real good shape for dinner. But now I hate missing breakfast. I have to go for a run. I need to do this before I loose the gusto.

Here is to hoping

-B