Beginnings 5/20/12

So.

I don’t know where to begin. But I guess I’ll explain why I am starting this again…

I am currently by BMI standards obese. I have actually been working a little bit and have maintained around a 220lbs average to 225lb last year. At my heaviest around Christmas this past year I was 235lb. Ugh. Kill me now.

I am realizing, I have a food addiction. Its really hard to explain and I stress eat but other times I just can’t stop. I feel really ashamed of eating in front of people, often getting food and brining it into my room so no one can see me. I plan times to eat alone, which is where I’m starting to notice I have a problem. I plan and lust to eat and eat way past feeling “full”. I don’t dare say I’m hungry in front of anyone, no one wants to hear that from the fat girl. Blechy. I can’t wait to just start feeling better about this, so I could finally say ” I love ice cream” without fear of judgment from others. Okay. Refocusing, I am attempting confidence here.

So I’m trying to get fit.

To do this I’m implementing a few different things. I’m starting to run, holy crap I can’t believe I am doing it. I’m trying this, coach to 5K and my fitness pal to help me out with all this. I am also going to try to eat all my meals sitting down in the living room with my roommates around. That way I will be less likely to gorge myself out of embarrassment. Who says shame can’t be a constructive thing? I know I am going to try to only weight myself once a week and stop obsessing over it. Sunday nights it is.

I’m also trying to a 5K called the color run coming up in the Michigan area in august. I really want to do this and hopefully the financial investment will help keep me motivated. I also want to try rock climbing really bad. It looks so fun, but I never wanted to go out of fear of not being able to do it and people making fun of the fat girl. Possibly needing several people to help belay me…guh. That would be a nightmare.

I do have some fears in all this…what about the loose skin afterwards? *shudder* Lord help me. I just need some confidence.

So far for breakfast I had oatmeal and a banana. Lunch will happen after church but haven’t really decided what and will need some dinner too. Working 430-630. Possibly staff volleyball the run #2 possibly at the gym. wtf mate?! Public exercise who knew.

I’m turning 21 june 2nd and I hope to be at least a pound or two lighter.

Peak Weight: 235lbs

Start Weight: 225lbs

Current Weight: 218.6lbs

Weight lost so far: 16.4lbs

-B

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About attemptingconfidence

I'm your average female college student. Started this blog in the summer to help with weight loss and a place to rant. Feel free to ask me anything I'm and open book or comment as you like.

Posted on May 20, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Wow.. this is me to a T! I too am addicted to food and dont even stress eat I just eat for no reason. I too eat alone and go to my room to eat. I’m ready to change though- Please tell me how you have lost the 50 lbs so far! It is so reassuring to finally see someone else who has gone through the same thing… sometimes I feel so alone in this!

  2. I do suggest counseling if you truly have a food addiction. I personally was able to work it out kind of on my own, but you may be more successful if you get help.

    You me and a million others. Promise you’re not alone. You just have to make the mental choice to be heathy. Its hard, and it will get harder, but it will be worth it. Promise.

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